The Rapture and Rex

This just in from Craig Johnson, a terrific Wyoming writer. I enjoyed it so much I had to share with readers. What does it have to do with food? Nothin'. But I know a couple of dog lovers might enjoy the sentiment.



According to various estimates, there are about thirty million people in the US who firmly believe that the Rapture is coming in their lifetime. For the uninitiated, this is the second coming, an event which will result in the righteous being swept away to a far better place, leaving the rest here on earth. This Post-it isn’t so much as to whether this is or isn’t going to happen but more of what’s being done about the details.

A retired retail executive out of New Hampshire has fired up this service called Eternal-Earth Bound Pets USA that’ll sweep in after you’ve been swept off, to rescue and take care of your pets. Over a hundred people have already ponied (I’m not sure if horses are included in the plan…) up a hundred bucks for a ten-year contract that will insure that their pets are taken care of in a post-Rapture world. Says Mr. Centre, “If you love your pets, I can’t believe you wouldn’t think of this.”

There’s only one problem—well, actually, there are two, but I’ll get to the other one momentarily. First off, aren’t these people leaving their pets to the Godless to take care of? I mean, everybody else is going to be gone, right? So, I guess the atheists are the chosen pet-care providers. Earth Bound has twenty-six rescuers spread across twenty-two states who’ve signed certificates saying they don’t believe in God or have a criminal record. Now I’ve seen the movies about what’s supposed to happen in the apocalypse; it seems like Hollywood does one every three weeks where people turn into zombies, giant insects roam the land, there’s no oil, and the rain melts everybody—so how are we to be sure that Fido’s going to really be cared for? Is someone from EEBP-USA going to convert and check in?

On to number two—in this whole scenario who exactly is going to be left behind? The argument is that animals don’t have souls and therefore won’t be taking part in the great sweep. Really? I want you to look around your home and tell me who’s the kindest, most loyal, ever faithful, comforting, hard-working, uncomplaining, selfless individual in the house?

Seems to me we all better start cozying up to the four-legged and slide them a little cash for a premium...

All the best,

Craig

Wait! Here's the food connection, dogs, right here.